![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Is this thing on...?
Aug. 5th, 2020 01:29 pmHi there. It's been ages since I've written anything. I kinda feel like I'm just putting this out there in the void, because I haven't been on Dreamwidth for a while, and I haven't been active. But I feel the need to write, and I have actually gotten as far as opening up my account and starting this post, so I figured I'd just go with it while I've got the motivation to do it. Just getting this far is kind of an achievement, lol.
So, um, the whole covid situation and being at home so much gave me more time to think and also changed the way my daily life worked for a while. And I think I'm in the midst of this big mental exploration sort of thing?
Things I have been wondering about lately:
My gender.
That's one that I've sort of been curious about for a long time, but never quite found the right words. And I think that at least at this moment, I'm comfortable with non-binary. I sort of wondered if I was trans when I was younger, and that never quite seem to fit, and then I went with genderqueer for a while, and that kind of fit, but I think I like non-binary now. I'm also exploring pronouns. They/them feels super comfortable online, but feels more awkward when I say it out loud, but it feels affirming when I hear it.
Neurodiversity.
Lately I have started wondering if I have ADHD and/or am somewhere on the autism spectrum. And I haven't seen a therapist or been tested or anything like that yet, so I have no professional opinions to back me up. But I've always felt weird and out of place. I'm comfortable talking to family and friends, or if I'm in a particular role like at work, but I'm terrible at initiating conversation with strangers, and I'm not so great at small talk. I have the hardest time getting started with doing things sometimes, and yet I love organizing and lists and spreadsheets. It's just, I can have a list of twenty things to do, several of which are actually fun things, and I still have a hard time getting started on any of them. I also feel like I'm bad at adulting in general, like everybody else has this piece of knowledge that I'm missing.
Doing all the things.
There are so many books and shows and movies and games and Discord groups and social media things that I want to read or watch or be involved in, and I can't figure out how to do it all. I mean, I know the answer is probably "you can't", but I want to figure out a way of getting myself a little more organized or something. I'm a little bit of a completist, and I want to always be caught up on everything, which just isn't possible when one is part of several different very active Discord groups. So I need to figure out how to prioritize and not feel like I'm out of the loop, I guess. And I need to figure out how to deal with the information overload that is reality. Because otherwise I just get overwhelmed and all of it feels too daunting and then I end up doing nothing instead of trying to do a few things.
Um... those were some big paragraphs.
Probably nobody is going to read this.
But if you do, and you feel any of these feels, wanna talk about it?
I'm gonna end this post now before I change my mind and delete it or something. Hope to post again soon!
So, um, the whole covid situation and being at home so much gave me more time to think and also changed the way my daily life worked for a while. And I think I'm in the midst of this big mental exploration sort of thing?
Things I have been wondering about lately:
My gender.
That's one that I've sort of been curious about for a long time, but never quite found the right words. And I think that at least at this moment, I'm comfortable with non-binary. I sort of wondered if I was trans when I was younger, and that never quite seem to fit, and then I went with genderqueer for a while, and that kind of fit, but I think I like non-binary now. I'm also exploring pronouns. They/them feels super comfortable online, but feels more awkward when I say it out loud, but it feels affirming when I hear it.
Neurodiversity.
Lately I have started wondering if I have ADHD and/or am somewhere on the autism spectrum. And I haven't seen a therapist or been tested or anything like that yet, so I have no professional opinions to back me up. But I've always felt weird and out of place. I'm comfortable talking to family and friends, or if I'm in a particular role like at work, but I'm terrible at initiating conversation with strangers, and I'm not so great at small talk. I have the hardest time getting started with doing things sometimes, and yet I love organizing and lists and spreadsheets. It's just, I can have a list of twenty things to do, several of which are actually fun things, and I still have a hard time getting started on any of them. I also feel like I'm bad at adulting in general, like everybody else has this piece of knowledge that I'm missing.
Doing all the things.
There are so many books and shows and movies and games and Discord groups and social media things that I want to read or watch or be involved in, and I can't figure out how to do it all. I mean, I know the answer is probably "you can't", but I want to figure out a way of getting myself a little more organized or something. I'm a little bit of a completist, and I want to always be caught up on everything, which just isn't possible when one is part of several different very active Discord groups. So I need to figure out how to prioritize and not feel like I'm out of the loop, I guess. And I need to figure out how to deal with the information overload that is reality. Because otherwise I just get overwhelmed and all of it feels too daunting and then I end up doing nothing instead of trying to do a few things.
Um... those were some big paragraphs.
Probably nobody is going to read this.
But if you do, and you feel any of these feels, wanna talk about it?
I'm gonna end this post now before I change my mind and delete it or something. Hope to post again soon!
