Entry tags:
Is this thing on...?
Hi there. It's been ages since I've written anything. I kinda feel like I'm just putting this out there in the void, because I haven't been on Dreamwidth for a while, and I haven't been active. But I feel the need to write, and I have actually gotten as far as opening up my account and starting this post, so I figured I'd just go with it while I've got the motivation to do it. Just getting this far is kind of an achievement, lol.
So, um, the whole covid situation and being at home so much gave me more time to think and also changed the way my daily life worked for a while. And I think I'm in the midst of this big mental exploration sort of thing?
Things I have been wondering about lately:
My gender.
That's one that I've sort of been curious about for a long time, but never quite found the right words. And I think that at least at this moment, I'm comfortable with non-binary. I sort of wondered if I was trans when I was younger, and that never quite seem to fit, and then I went with genderqueer for a while, and that kind of fit, but I think I like non-binary now. I'm also exploring pronouns. They/them feels super comfortable online, but feels more awkward when I say it out loud, but it feels affirming when I hear it.
Neurodiversity.
Lately I have started wondering if I have ADHD and/or am somewhere on the autism spectrum. And I haven't seen a therapist or been tested or anything like that yet, so I have no professional opinions to back me up. But I've always felt weird and out of place. I'm comfortable talking to family and friends, or if I'm in a particular role like at work, but I'm terrible at initiating conversation with strangers, and I'm not so great at small talk. I have the hardest time getting started with doing things sometimes, and yet I love organizing and lists and spreadsheets. It's just, I can have a list of twenty things to do, several of which are actually fun things, and I still have a hard time getting started on any of them. I also feel like I'm bad at adulting in general, like everybody else has this piece of knowledge that I'm missing.
Doing all the things.
There are so many books and shows and movies and games and Discord groups and social media things that I want to read or watch or be involved in, and I can't figure out how to do it all. I mean, I know the answer is probably "you can't", but I want to figure out a way of getting myself a little more organized or something. I'm a little bit of a completist, and I want to always be caught up on everything, which just isn't possible when one is part of several different very active Discord groups. So I need to figure out how to prioritize and not feel like I'm out of the loop, I guess. And I need to figure out how to deal with the information overload that is reality. Because otherwise I just get overwhelmed and all of it feels too daunting and then I end up doing nothing instead of trying to do a few things.
Um... those were some big paragraphs.
Probably nobody is going to read this.
But if you do, and you feel any of these feels, wanna talk about it?
I'm gonna end this post now before I change my mind and delete it or something. Hope to post again soon!
So, um, the whole covid situation and being at home so much gave me more time to think and also changed the way my daily life worked for a while. And I think I'm in the midst of this big mental exploration sort of thing?
Things I have been wondering about lately:
My gender.
That's one that I've sort of been curious about for a long time, but never quite found the right words. And I think that at least at this moment, I'm comfortable with non-binary. I sort of wondered if I was trans when I was younger, and that never quite seem to fit, and then I went with genderqueer for a while, and that kind of fit, but I think I like non-binary now. I'm also exploring pronouns. They/them feels super comfortable online, but feels more awkward when I say it out loud, but it feels affirming when I hear it.
Neurodiversity.
Lately I have started wondering if I have ADHD and/or am somewhere on the autism spectrum. And I haven't seen a therapist or been tested or anything like that yet, so I have no professional opinions to back me up. But I've always felt weird and out of place. I'm comfortable talking to family and friends, or if I'm in a particular role like at work, but I'm terrible at initiating conversation with strangers, and I'm not so great at small talk. I have the hardest time getting started with doing things sometimes, and yet I love organizing and lists and spreadsheets. It's just, I can have a list of twenty things to do, several of which are actually fun things, and I still have a hard time getting started on any of them. I also feel like I'm bad at adulting in general, like everybody else has this piece of knowledge that I'm missing.
Doing all the things.
There are so many books and shows and movies and games and Discord groups and social media things that I want to read or watch or be involved in, and I can't figure out how to do it all. I mean, I know the answer is probably "you can't", but I want to figure out a way of getting myself a little more organized or something. I'm a little bit of a completist, and I want to always be caught up on everything, which just isn't possible when one is part of several different very active Discord groups. So I need to figure out how to prioritize and not feel like I'm out of the loop, I guess. And I need to figure out how to deal with the information overload that is reality. Because otherwise I just get overwhelmed and all of it feels too daunting and then I end up doing nothing instead of trying to do a few things.
Um... those were some big paragraphs.
Probably nobody is going to read this.
But if you do, and you feel any of these feels, wanna talk about it?
I'm gonna end this post now before I change my mind and delete it or something. Hope to post again soon!
Entry tags:
De-lurking
It has been entirely too long since I've posted anything on any of my blogs. Or written any fic. Or done anything online in general besides lurking and trying desperately to catch up with things in general.
But it's just been an incredibly busy fall/winter. I had a lot of family things going on, I bought a home, I've been working on getting all packed up and moving. And oh yeah, Thanksgiving and Christmas and holiday parties and hanging out with friends and family and buying presents and making food and paying bills and staying alive and everything has just been... a lot.
I didn't finish NaNoWriMo for the first time in about ten years because I ran out of time to write. And even when I did have time to write, I couldn't think of anything I wanted to write about because my brain was so busy with other things. That made me kind of sad, but I had to let it go because it was making me more miserable to be falling further and further behind and knowing that every day it was getting harder to catch up.
We're near the end of the year, and I'm working on regaining control of my life, establishing new habits, re-evaluating what I want and how I want to do it.
All this to say, one of the things I'd like to get better at is being more present online, but learning how to manage that with real life and balance it out so I don't feel guilty for not being online enough or not catching every conversation or social media thing or whatever. I need to figure out how to balance myself.
So for starters, I'm gonna go take a shower and figure out what I need to be doing today! And hopefully I will be back sooner rather than later this time.
But it's just been an incredibly busy fall/winter. I had a lot of family things going on, I bought a home, I've been working on getting all packed up and moving. And oh yeah, Thanksgiving and Christmas and holiday parties and hanging out with friends and family and buying presents and making food and paying bills and staying alive and everything has just been... a lot.
I didn't finish NaNoWriMo for the first time in about ten years because I ran out of time to write. And even when I did have time to write, I couldn't think of anything I wanted to write about because my brain was so busy with other things. That made me kind of sad, but I had to let it go because it was making me more miserable to be falling further and further behind and knowing that every day it was getting harder to catch up.
We're near the end of the year, and I'm working on regaining control of my life, establishing new habits, re-evaluating what I want and how I want to do it.
All this to say, one of the things I'd like to get better at is being more present online, but learning how to manage that with real life and balance it out so I don't feel guilty for not being online enough or not catching every conversation or social media thing or whatever. I need to figure out how to balance myself.
So for starters, I'm gonna go take a shower and figure out what I need to be doing today! And hopefully I will be back sooner rather than later this time.
Join the Discord party!
So, I meant to post this a long time ago and... didn't. Oops. But anyway! I started a Discord server!
If there's anyone out there reading this who wants to join a Discord chat server with fans who like hurt/comfort and sneezefics, come on over to Alphabet Soup!
The server's not very old, and a lot of us (myself included) are Discord newbies. But it's fun being able to chat with other fans more in real-time. I, for one, was feeling a little adrift in fandom for a while, not feeling really involved in any one particular platform. So this has been nice for being able to have conversations with people again! Anyway, I feel like I'm starting to ramble, but if you want to join us, please do!
If there's anyone out there reading this who wants to join a Discord chat server with fans who like hurt/comfort and sneezefics, come on over to Alphabet Soup!
The server's not very old, and a lot of us (myself included) are Discord newbies. But it's fun being able to chat with other fans more in real-time. I, for one, was feeling a little adrift in fandom for a while, not feeling really involved in any one particular platform. So this has been nice for being able to have conversations with people again! Anyway, I feel like I'm starting to ramble, but if you want to join us, please do!
Entry tags:
Fic: Relentless
Title: Relentless
Fandom: Supernatural
Rating: G
Summary: Written for a prompt from![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
tarotgal -- Dean's been sneezing a LOT. His nose is tired and red and Sam buys him the biggest, most expensive box of girly pink, extra soft, lotion-filled tissues ever. And Dean's in SUCH a mood that he actually refuses to use them.
Fic on AO3.
Fandom: Supernatural
Rating: G
Summary: Written for a prompt from
tarotgal -- Dean's been sneezing a LOT. His nose is tired and red and Sam buys him the biggest, most expensive box of girly pink, extra soft, lotion-filled tissues ever. And Dean's in SUCH a mood that he actually refuses to use them.Fic on AO3.
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All the memes!
This is definitely my favorite time of year for writing. In addition to tg's meme I just posted about, we also just started the annual Birthday Meme over at ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
ohsam!
Come have a big slice of H/C cake, on Sam!
So, if you're in a creative, hurt/comfort-y, Sammy mood, come on over and play with us!
ohsam!So, if you're in a creative, hurt/comfort-y, Sammy mood, come on over and play with us!
tg's meme!
Hi, friends!
It's time for tarotgal's annual sneezefic meme! If you're into that at all, come and play with us! Leave a prompt, write a fic, make some art!
It's time for tarotgal's annual sneezefic meme! If you're into that at all, come and play with us! Leave a prompt, write a fic, make some art!
Entry tags:
De-lurking
I feel like I've been in extreme lurk mode lately. I haven't been writing a lot, I haven't been posting, I haven't been reading. I've been trying to understand tumblr randomly scrolling through tumblr and reading stuff on AO3 sometimes.
I don't know. Part of it is from being generally busy. Part of it is from being depressed. Part of it is just feeling that "fandom is changing" feeling, and I want to go back to the days of all Livejournal, where I felt more like I understood things and could keep up.
Lately I just feel overwhelmed. With work. With life. With all the books I need/want to read. With trying to set and keep personal goals. With fandom in general.
Anyway, surprise surprise, I'm still busy and now I have to cut this short because I need to get to work, but basically just de-lurking to say that I'm still alive and I'm hoping I get it together soon and start being more active.
I don't know. Part of it is from being generally busy. Part of it is from being depressed. Part of it is just feeling that "fandom is changing" feeling, and I want to go back to the days of all Livejournal, where I felt more like I understood things and could keep up.
Lately I just feel overwhelmed. With work. With life. With all the books I need/want to read. With trying to set and keep personal goals. With fandom in general.
Anyway, surprise surprise, I'm still busy and now I have to cut this short because I need to get to work, but basically just de-lurking to say that I'm still alive and I'm hoping I get it together soon and start being more active.
Entry tags:
Fic: Snow Day
With ten minutes to spare, I finally finished writing a fic for my first (and likely only) snow day of the season.
Title: Snow Day
Fandom: Star Wars sequel trilogy
Summary: The Resistance has found a new base, but not everyone likes it.
Fic on AO3.
Title: Snow Day
Fandom: Star Wars sequel trilogy
Summary: The Resistance has found a new base, but not everyone likes it.
Fic on AO3.
Entry tags:
Fic: So This is Christmas
Fic: So This is Christmas
Fandom: Supernatural
Rating: G
Summary: Winchester Christmas traditions have never really been a thing. Maybe it's time to start some.
Written last year as a Christmas fic fortarotgal.
Fic is here on AO3.
Fandom: Supernatural
Rating: G
Summary: Winchester Christmas traditions have never really been a thing. Maybe it's time to start some.
Written last year as a Christmas fic for
tarotgal.Fic is here on AO3.
Entry tags:
Fic: Nowhere Man
Fic: Nowhere Man
Fandom: Supernatural
Rating: G
Summary: There’s a strange man talking to himself outside her café, and Rachel does the only thing she can think of – go outside and see if he’s alright. Frayed ‘verse outsider POV.
Link to fic on AO3.
Guys, I finally posted another fic in the Frayed 'verse! It's taken so long, and I feel really bad about that. Hopefully this was the kick I needed to start finishing more fics. Enjoy!
Fandom: Supernatural
Rating: G
Summary: There’s a strange man talking to himself outside her café, and Rachel does the only thing she can think of – go outside and see if he’s alright. Frayed ‘verse outsider POV.
Link to fic on AO3.
Guys, I finally posted another fic in the Frayed 'verse! It's taken so long, and I feel really bad about that. Hopefully this was the kick I needed to start finishing more fics. Enjoy!
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Ha, I've written more fics than I thought...
Since I think I'm pretty much moving away from LJ at this point, I've been working on archiving all of the fics that I've posted. I've been uploading stuff to AO3 (I'm cowboyguy there, too), and then also going back through my LJ, taking the fics down and putting up links to the fic on AO3 instead. It's tough, because I don't quite want to cut ties with LJ just yet, but I also don't want to stay there, either. So much history there... :(
On the masterlist that I created for myself to keep track of things, it turns out that I've written 45 fics! Compared to some other folks, that might not seem like a lot, but it's more than I thought I had written. As frustrating as all this stuff with LJ has been, at least it's giving me the push to get everything organized. Time to move forward and start reconnecting with people and communities in other places. What really makes me sad is the communities that have no plan to move to other platforms, and if their LJ gets deleted, then they're just gone.
So, moving onward! Hopefully I'll make lots of great new connections on Dreamdwith, too, and get used to using this platform instead of LJ. Also, tumblr. I'm still a very passive user on tumblr, because it seems so visual to me, and I'm much more a text-based contributor to fandom. But hopefully I'll figure that out and use it more, too? I'm spacecowboyguy on there, since someone had already taken the cowboyguy name.
On the masterlist that I created for myself to keep track of things, it turns out that I've written 45 fics! Compared to some other folks, that might not seem like a lot, but it's more than I thought I had written. As frustrating as all this stuff with LJ has been, at least it's giving me the push to get everything organized. Time to move forward and start reconnecting with people and communities in other places. What really makes me sad is the communities that have no plan to move to other platforms, and if their LJ gets deleted, then they're just gone.
So, moving onward! Hopefully I'll make lots of great new connections on Dreamdwith, too, and get used to using this platform instead of LJ. Also, tumblr. I'm still a very passive user on tumblr, because it seems so visual to me, and I'm much more a text-based contributor to fandom. But hopefully I'll figure that out and use it more, too? I'm spacecowboyguy on there, since someone had already taken the cowboyguy name.
Entry tags:
Fic: Remembrance Day
I posted a short fic in honor of the 40th anniversary of Star Wars on Thursday. Find it at AO3 here.
Entry tags:
Fic: Oasis
Fic: Oasis
Fandom: Supernatural
Notes: Written as a fill for the 2017 Celebrating Sam meme. The original prompt was "sugar". Crossposted to AO3.
Summary: Sam and Dean take a short break at a rest stop between hunts. It doesn't go that well for Sam.
( Fic here. )
Fandom: Supernatural
Notes: Written as a fill for the 2017 Celebrating Sam meme. The original prompt was "sugar". Crossposted to AO3.
Summary: Sam and Dean take a short break at a rest stop between hunts. It doesn't go that well for Sam.
( Fic here. )
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Fic: Distraction
Fic: Distraction
Fandom: Supernatural
Rating: PG?
Summary: Written as a fill fortarotgal's 2017 meme. The prompt was my own, and it was: One of the boys has a sneeze fetish and while they're out talking to people for a case, gets very distracted by the constant sneezing of one of the people they're interviewing. The other brother doesn't know about his sneeze fetish and is just annoyed at him afterwards. "Dude, what's wrong with you? Were you even listening?"
( Fic here. )
Fandom: Supernatural
Rating: PG?
Summary: Written as a fill for
tarotgal's 2017 meme. The prompt was my own, and it was: One of the boys has a sneeze fetish and while they're out talking to people for a case, gets very distracted by the constant sneezing of one of the people they're interviewing. The other brother doesn't know about his sneeze fetish and is just annoyed at him afterwards. "Dude, what's wrong with you? Were you even listening?"( Fic here. )
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Meme time (almost)!
Hey, everybody! There's a new meme starting soon at OhSam! It should be lots of fun - it's going to be cross-platform between tumblr and LJ, so there'll be a huge variety of new fics and other types of fanworks celebrating Sam Winchester.
Click the banner for more info:
Click the banner for more info:
Entry tags:
Fic: Fever to the Form
Fever to the Form
Fandom: Star Wars – Rogue One
Rating: G
Characters: Cassian Andor, Bodhi Rook
Notes: An (almost) everyone lives AU.
Disclaimer: I don’t own these amazing characters, I just play with them. Credit for the title goes to one of my new favorite songs, Fever to the Form by Nick Mulvey.
Summary: Days after the battle on Scarif, exhaustion has finally caught up with Bodhi Rook.
Crossposted to AO3 and my Livejournal.
( Fic here. )
Fandom: Star Wars – Rogue One
Rating: G
Characters: Cassian Andor, Bodhi Rook
Notes: An (almost) everyone lives AU.
Disclaimer: I don’t own these amazing characters, I just play with them. Credit for the title goes to one of my new favorite songs, Fever to the Form by Nick Mulvey.
Summary: Days after the battle on Scarif, exhaustion has finally caught up with Bodhi Rook.
Crossposted to AO3 and my Livejournal.
( Fic here. )