Sorry for taking ALL DAY to get some feedback to you!
First, thanks for letting me betaread. I loved watching this transform, and I think your final product is excellent. I love it as part of your Frayed 'verse, because it almost effortlessly shows so many different aspects of their lifestyle now that they've settled down after Sam's return. And it doesn't shy away from some of the negative (but, frankly, understandable and realistic) aspects. This was somehow both powerful and adorable.
Second, here's a list of things I loved: *The beginning. The underlying theme of identity in this fic is wonderful. These boys have been through so much. And even though they're your versions of the boys, they're still Sam and Dean deep down. And it was great to see that struggle pop up at various times throughout the fic, and it starts right off in the first two paragraphs. Brilliant.
*Oh Sammy. Sick Sammy is so delightfully pitiful, especially when Dean can't do anything to make him feel better. I just wanted to hug the poor guy. And I loved Dean's "Huh. That's a new one" regarding the DayQuil; great line.
*Loved the beginning of the next section. Sam doesn't want the broth or ANYTHING else. Great wording. Aw, Sammy. Awwww, Dean! He tries so hard. All he wants is to make his brother better. This whole struggle was a great building of tension, but it was also so cute from an h/c-lovers perspective :-)
*Dean losing his temper... loved the wording. Even though I was screaming in my head "Noooo, Dean! Don't say that out loud in front of him!!!" I could totally see why he was just TOO frustrated there. Loved how it came out, loved him breaking the handle off of the cheap dresser, loved all the frustrations about everything all coming out at the same time. I can relate. I can understand. But I could see it coming and tried to stop it and just couldn't. Oh Dean.
*The reference to "old Dean" again, cherishing life on the road and how easy and comfortable it had been for him (hunting was easier for Dean than settling down!). The line about him turning on his charm for the prettiest girl in the room was especially great.
*I love every chance you give me to get into Frayed 'verse Sammy's mind. Between the illness and the worry that he's made Dean mad and the confusion about where he is and the getting lost... oh, this was so painful. Him latching onto the one and only glimmer of hope--the fact that sometimes Michael is safe. And then for him to realize this isn't one of those safe moments. Seriously, it's heartbreaking. All I wanted was for Sammy to be safe! I was so worried about him! But the inner struggle was just SO good!
*Loved that Dean flashes back to the time when Sam disappeared for a week. Once again, another glimpse at the Sam that was.
*Great to see inside Frayed 'verse Dean's mind when he's frantically looking for Sam. Love that he regrets not brining a hoodie or blanket. Love that he tries to think like Sam to try to figure out where he went. Love that he can't even call 911 for help.
*Sam freaking out with the flashlights in his face. Awww
*Dean filled with so much relief when he finds Sam and then having to navigate the cops in order to get to Sam. Though you don't come out and say it, it's interesting to draw parallels between the way he was with cops when he was a hunter (pretending to be a fed or whatever) and now he just has to play the game and get to his brother.
Feedback part 1...
First, thanks for letting me betaread. I loved watching this transform, and I think your final product is excellent. I love it as part of your Frayed 'verse, because it almost effortlessly shows so many different aspects of their lifestyle now that they've settled down after Sam's return. And it doesn't shy away from some of the negative (but, frankly, understandable and realistic) aspects. This was somehow both powerful and adorable.
Second, here's a list of things I loved:
*The beginning. The underlying theme of identity in this fic is wonderful. These boys have been through so much. And even though they're your versions of the boys, they're still Sam and Dean deep down. And it was great to see that struggle pop up at various times throughout the fic, and it starts right off in the first two paragraphs. Brilliant.
*Oh Sammy. Sick Sammy is so delightfully pitiful, especially when Dean can't do anything to make him feel better. I just wanted to hug the poor guy. And I loved Dean's "Huh. That's a new one" regarding the DayQuil; great line.
*Loved the beginning of the next section. Sam doesn't want the broth or ANYTHING else. Great wording. Aw, Sammy. Awwww, Dean! He tries so hard. All he wants is to make his brother better. This whole struggle was a great building of tension, but it was also so cute from an h/c-lovers perspective :-)
*Dean losing his temper... loved the wording. Even though I was screaming in my head "Noooo, Dean! Don't say that out loud in front of him!!!" I could totally see why he was just TOO frustrated there. Loved how it came out, loved him breaking the handle off of the cheap dresser, loved all the frustrations about everything all coming out at the same time. I can relate. I can understand. But I could see it coming and tried to stop it and just couldn't. Oh Dean.
*The reference to "old Dean" again, cherishing life on the road and how easy and comfortable it had been for him (hunting was easier for Dean than settling down!). The line about him turning on his charm for the prettiest girl in the room was especially great.
*I love every chance you give me to get into Frayed 'verse Sammy's mind. Between the illness and the worry that he's made Dean mad and the confusion about where he is and the getting lost... oh, this was so painful. Him latching onto the one and only glimmer of hope--the fact that sometimes Michael is safe. And then for him to realize this isn't one of those safe moments. Seriously, it's heartbreaking. All I wanted was for Sammy to be safe! I was so worried about him! But the inner struggle was just SO good!
*Loved that Dean flashes back to the time when Sam disappeared for a week. Once again, another glimpse at the Sam that was.
*Great to see inside Frayed 'verse Dean's mind when he's frantically looking for Sam. Love that he regrets not brining a hoodie or blanket. Love that he tries to think like Sam to try to figure out where he went. Love that he can't even call 911 for help.
*Sam freaking out with the flashlights in his face. Awww
*Dean filled with so much relief when he finds Sam and then having to navigate the cops in order to get to Sam. Though you don't come out and say it, it's interesting to draw parallels between the way he was with cops when he was a hunter (pretending to be a fed or whatever) and now he just has to play the game and get to his brother.